Spit. It. Out.
You didn’t read that wrong. Spit. It. Out. That’s all you have to do right? So why isn’t it easy? Well if I had the answer this is where I’d tell you. But I don’t, so I can’t.
I know I’ve said this before, but that’s because it’s true. “We’ve all been there.” Sitting around friends, family, our significant other, boss, etc. and we just listen to what's being said to us. That’s normal, but what if we said every thought that came into our heads? I have a feeling we’d all either be killed, fired, friendless, checked into a psych ward, or even in prison.
We’re taught at a young age to filter our thoughts before we speak. Just because you don’t like the prom dress your best friend is wearing - doesn’t mean you need to tell her that. It’s prom day - don’t ruin it for her, and everyone else in the limo party.
So your best friend has a rude and possessive girlfriend - if you tell him you hate her, he might not listen and there goes your friendship of 8 years out the window because he thinks that toxic girlfriend is his soulmate. Don’t worry, he’ll learn, we all do.
Yes, we all need to filter our thoughts and what comes out of our mouths because we’d all be labeled psychopaths or horrible people if we didn’t. But even I know at times, you just need to get whatevers bothering you, out. When something eats away at you - it becomes a problem that won’t go away until you Spit It Out. That’s when you call your non-judgemental best friend and vent out all my issues, and then you move on. Healthy outlets people, healthy outlets.
There’s a quote from my favorite tv show One Tree Hill;
“Sometimes I think we waste our words and we waste our moments, and we don’t take the time to say the things that are in our hearts when we have the chance.”
Although this doesn’t apply to those “WTH” moments we have at least 5 times a day when someone says something that they shouldn’t - I 100% agree. We’re all so scared that we’ll lose what we have if we’re honest or if we say something that isn’t expected. I hear about this issue from a lot of my friends (boys and girls), and I’m 100% guilty of this too. We sit there with a friend, family, or significant other and need to say something that might change the mood, or might make them upset, or might make them feel inferior, so we just sit there and say nothing. Trust me, there is never a good moment to have those conversations or to shift the mood - but you have to do it regardless.
Let me give you a few examples;
CASE 1: I had a friend a few years back who was just floating through life and wasn’t setting too many goals for themselves and didn’t take initiative. So when I got a job offer from a company I really wanted to work for, I felt bad celebrating because that friend wasn’t growing in life. So instead I made my big deal job offer, sound like it wasn’t a big deal. I didn’t celebrate much, or make it a thing. I was just quiet about it. I learned later that I shouldn’t feel bad for celebrating things in life, it makes me happy - so why not?
CASE 2: My very best friend dated a guy I literally couldn’t be in the same room with let alone hear about him, and every time she complained I made sure to spit out my opinion of him and how much I hated him. We stopped being friends for almost a year because of him - they broke up, so we made up. I realized during our “friend break-up” that she had to learn on her own and my opinion didn’t matter to her. But to this day, I don’t ever regret telling her how I felt about him and the way he treated her.
CASE 3: Ex boyfriend of mine - after 8 months of things going well, he started to constantly make me feel like I wasn’t a priority to him or his life. That he’d get invited to things with his friends and just not invite me or would travel for work and disappear for the whole trip and would talk to me once he was back and rub in all the cool things he did without me. We started having small issues and brushing them all under the rug, eventually we’d just not talk all day, we wouldn’t see each other all week and it became meaningless conversations. Eventually it wore me down, I went so long without telling him how hurt I was and how I felt like an ant in his life. Finally - I reached my breaking point and broke up with him. I couldn’t take feeling like I didn’t matter, or feeling like he didn’t love me. I couldn’t beg him to love me anymore. So I did what was right for me. After the breakup, I felt mostly relief from all of it, yes I was extremely sad to say goodbye to the person I fell in love with. But we weren’t those people anymore.
CASE 4: A buddy of mine lives in Phoenix and was working a job he absolutely hated. I’d get calls after work a lot of just the worst situations that happened. Or how even though he was a manager, he was treated like an new hire who had no say in anything. The employees under him didn’t respect him or treat him as their manager. But he just let it happen because he felt “too new to say something.” Well one day he hit a breakpoint, walked into his boss’s office and had a conversation and I was told an argument took place, but at the end he walked out with a lot more authority to actually manage his people. He had a meeting with each one on one and went over roles/goals. And started to actually enjoy his job - he’s been promoted twice within 18 months and loves his job. Because he finally had the courage to Spit It Out.
I can’t say I’m perfect and that I never withhold things from people because sometimes I do. Sometimes it’s not worth the argument when I’ll get over it in a few hours, or days. Sometimes I don’t want to upset the person, confuse them, make them uncomfortable, or cause unnecessary problems. Now yes, I’ve had things happen in my life the past few months where if I’m not okay with something - the people involved know about it right away, or when it’s not in a public place. I’ve learned to spit out more than I used to. I’ve learned that having hard conversations is a healthy part of life and helps you grow either as an individual or in a relationship whether that be with a best friend, significant other, family members, boss, etc.
Starting that conversation is one thing, but you also have to be open about it too. You can be passive aggressive or indirectly bring it up, but sitting down and starting that conversation is 90% of the battle. Once the conversation starts flowing, it gets easier. No, it’s not easy to show feelings about situations, but if both people in the conversation can agree to have an open space where there’s no judgement and no jumping to conclusions so both can say what they need, it’ll be the best conversation you’ve ever had.
I preach all the time that honesty isn’t the best policy, it’s the ONLY policy. Even if you think I’m going to be so pissed and freak out at you - if you’re honest about things, there’s a better chance of me being calm and understanding instead of me hearing about it later or from someone else and getting upset. It’s not that I’m not being honest with people now, it’s that sometimes my internal battles - aren’t for others to fight for me.
So now I’m going to challenge you.
Is there something bugging you that you want to get out in the open to someone? Spit it out.
Is there someone who asks for your opinion but you just sit there? Spit it out.
Is there something happening in your life that needs to be addressed? Spit it out.
Is there a conversation that needs to be had? Spit it out.
You get the point.